Hi Rotterdam,(I can’t tell from your story if your partner is aware so everything after this is based on the fact that he/she doesn’t know)
You feel alone because no one knows about your problem. You feel alone because, somewhere deep inside, you know what you’re doing is wrong. You feel alone because you think you have to fix it yourself. But you are not alone
The guilt continues to eat away at you until you are completely consumed by it. Think of it as a shadow that moves further and further over your soul. That shadow will, sooner or later, determine your life. The guilt drives you to gamble > gambling leads to more guilt > guilt makes you gamble again ect. That circle will continue as long as the truth about the problem has not been spoken.
I would therefore strongly advise you to play an open card with your partner. This will at least ensure that you have a clear conscience (nothing better than that). With a clear conscience it is much easier to work on the problem.
Not telling the truth, in my view, is where the biggest problem lies. (Example of this: A conversation with a psychologist only works if there are two people sitting opposite each other who are willing to tell each other the truth, because with lies the conversation is pointless).
You will only solve that battle with yourself by speaking the truth. The short term lies (often with success otherwise they would not be widely used by people) will only lead to more guilt. I am convinced that everyone has a voice that knows when you are telling a lie.
Just throw everything on the table before the conversation with your partner. “Yeah I did XYZ wrong but I’m going to do ABC to make it right.” Everything you withhold will take on a life of its own and then come back at Mach 7. A good example of this is not paying a bill. This does not disappear if it is not paid, in fact it only grows further due to collection costs ect.
“In the long run, the most unpleasant truth is a safer companion than a pleasant falsehood” – Theodore Roosevelt.